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| Amara kalpanaya oi ami |
আমার কল্পনায় ওই আমি যা তাইজুল ইসলাম অপূর্ব তার প্রতিদিন এর কাল্পনিক চিন্তা ও বাস্তবিক জীবনের ঘটনাবলীর একটি ডায়েরি বলা যেতে পারে।
নিজের মতো নিজেকে চিনা
ঠিক যেন আমি আমার মতো আমার বয়সটাও তত বেশি নয় আমি ১৯ বছর বয়সী এক তরুণ যার রয়েছে উচ্চ আকাঙ্ক্ষা যা কোন সম্পদের জন্য নয় বরং মানুষকে চিনার জন্য ও মানুষের কষ্টের দূর করার জন্য। আমি যদি বলি আমি তত বেশি কিছু জানি না এবং আপনি যদি আশা করে থাকে আমার এই লেখা পড়ে কিছু শিখতে পারবেন তা হবে নিছক দূরস্বপ্নের মতো। আমি এখানে লেখব আমরা বাস্তবিক জীবনের ও কল্পনিক সমসাময়িক চিন্তাধারা। আমি আশাবাদী যে আপনি কিছুটা অবাক হবে যে আমার মতো তরুণ ছেলে এসব কি ভাবে।
আমার জম্ম হয়েছে অত্যান্ত ধার্মিক পরিবারের তারা ইসলাম ধর্ম বিশ্বাসী ও প্রতিদিন নামাজ আদায় করে। ২০০৪ সালের মার্চ মাসের ৫ তারিখে দিনটি ছিলো শুক্রবার সে দিন আমার জম্ম হয় নারায়ণগঞ্জ এর সৈয়দপুর গ্ৰামে। আমার বাবার নাম মোঃ টিপু ও মতার নাম তাছলিমা বেগব। আমি কিছুটা বাবা কে পছন্দ করি না তাই আমার সকল আগ্রহ মা ও নানীর বাসাতেই।
এখানে আমার লেখায় ফুটে উঠবে আমার কিছু অস্বাভাবিক বোকা মানুষের মতো চাহিদা ও সরলতায় দৃষ্টিকোণ থেকে মানুষকে পছন্দ করা ও মানুষের কষ্টে নিজেকে খুঁজে বের করা। সত্যি বলতে মনটা আমার খুব নরম তবে একটু উদাসী মানুষ আমি। আমি তেমন বন্ধু তৈরি ও পরিচিতি লাভ করতে আগ্রহী নই। তবে আমি যদি কাউকে নিজের করে নেই তবে আমি তার জন্য জীবন দিতে প্রস্তুত বা তার কল্পনার বাহিরে আমি তাকে সাহায্য করতে প্রস্তুত। আমি খুবই দুঃখিত থাকলেও হাসতে পারি এটাই আমার বিশেষত্ব। আমি এছাড়াও খুব পরিবর্তনশীল ও সময় সাপেক্ষ নিজেকে পরিবর্তন করতে খুব পারদর্শী। আমি ভালোবাসি নতুন কিছু জানতে ও বুদ্ধিমান মানুষের সাথে পরিচয় হতে। আমার খুব বেশি প্রশ্ন করার সুযোগ নেই পরিবারে তবে আমি সময় পেলেই নারায়ণগঞ্জে গেলেই ব্যবসায়ী ও কর্মজীবী মানুষদের খুঁজ করি তাদের জীবন সংগ্রামে কথা শুনতে। আমার সু্যোগ হয়েছে বহুবার অনেক বড় ব্যবসায়ীদের সঙ্গে কথা বলার তাই আপনি জানতে পারবেন ব্যবসায়ী ও আমার মধ্যে কথোপকথন কি হয়েছে। আমি ভালোবাসি কল্পনা করতে ও সাধারণ ঘটনা ব্যবহার করে বড় গল্প রচনা করতে। আমার রয়েছে আকাশ সমান স্বপ্ন ও ইচ্ছা যা আমার বেঁচে থাকার অনুপ্রেরণাদেয়। আমি পছন্দ করি হাঁটতে যেতে ও নদী তীরে নদীর পানির দিকে তাকিয়ে সময় অতিবাহিত করতে। যদি বিষয়টি হয় ভ্রমনের তাবে উচ্চাভিলাষী পরিকল্পনা।
আমি যখন লেখছি তখন আমি কলেজে পড়ুয়া তরুণ যে সবেমাত্র শুরু করবে তার জীবন সংগ্রামে। আমি বতমানে HSC পরীক্ষা দিচ্ছি কদম রসুল কলেজ থেকে। তবে ছোট বেলা থেকেই আমার লেখালেখি করতে খুব ভালো লাগে তাই আমি সাহস করে শুরু করলাম।
"Amara Kalpanaya Oi Ami" is a deeply personal and introspective diary written by Tajul Isalm Apurbo, capturing his journey from adolescence to young adulthood. The diary reflects on his personal growth, aspirations, emotions, and struggles, offering a vivid glimpse into his inner world.
### **Introduction and Background**
The diary begins with an introduction, where Apurbo explains his motivations for writing. He does not see himself as extraordinary but describes himself as a common man with common thoughts, yet with a rich imagination. Born into a middle-class, devout Muslim family in Narayanganj, Bangladesh, on March 5, 2004, Apurbo had a modest upbringing. His father, Tipu, and his mother, Taslima Begum, raised him with strong religious values, but Apurbo expresses a closer bond with his mother and grandmother than with his father.
Apurbo is a 19-year-old college student pursuing his HSC (Higher Secondary Certificate) at Kadam Rasul College, with a keen interest in people, life, and introspection. He writes that his ambitions are not centered around wealth but rather around understanding people and alleviating their pain. He describes himself as someone with a sensitive, introspective nature, prone to daydreaming, and not particularly eager to make many friends, though when he does, he is fiercely loyal.
### **Early Reflections and Philosophy**
In the early entries, Apurbo reflects on his self-discovery. He writes about being different from his peers, which led to others considering him odd or even labeling him as "stupid" because he was more reserved. Despite this, some also recognized his intelligence, and his friends gave him the nickname "scientist" because of his curiosity and desire to learn new things.
Apurbo reflects on the importance of relationships in his life. He emphasizes his desire for genuine, loyal friendships over superficial acquaintances, expressing that he would rather walk with a true friend in the dark than walk alone in the light. He mentions being an emotional and sensitive person, capable of hiding his sadness behind a smile, but not someone easily changed by the world.
### **Diary Entries and Personal Experiences**
The diary entries are dated, beginning in August 2023, and provide a glimpse into Apurbo's daily life, thoughts, and interactions with people around him. The entries are a mix of mundane activities, philosophical musings, and emotional reflections.
- **6 August 2023**: Apurbo begins with a reflection on his childhood and how he was seen as different from others, preferring silence over speaking unnecessarily. He notes that while some people called him talented, others thought of him as strange.
- **10 August 2023**: He talks about his feelings of longing and unrequited love. Apurbo waits to see someone but ends up disappointed when they do not appear. This introduces a recurring theme of waiting and patience in love, believing that true love involves longing and anticipation.
- **12 August 2023**: Apurbo laments his lack of close friends, desiring a deep and meaningful friendship, where someone would be willing to help him at any hour of the day. He reflects on the essence of friendship, quoting Helen Keller: “I would rather walk with a friend in the dark than alone in the light.”
- **16 August 2023**: He prepares for his HSC exams, demonstrating a sudden burst of enthusiasm for his studies, particularly in mastering difficult Bengali spellings.
- **28 August 2023**: A key entry where Apurbo reflects on love. He shares a conversation with someone named Mansura about what kind of person they would marry. Mansura emphasizes wealth, which leads Apurbo to reflect on the differences between them and his own ideals about marriage and relationships. He mentions another friend, Jui, who was close to him during school days but has since married and drifted away.
### **Themes of Love and Friendship**
Throughout the diary, Apurbo frequently reflects on love and its complexities. He writes about his feelings for various people, including Mansura and a girl named Rafiza. His romantic feelings are often intertwined with a sense of longing and patience, as he waits to express his feelings. Apurbo is cautious about love, often wondering if the people he cares about feel the same way or whether his love will remain unreciprocated.
Apurbo also contemplates the nature of friendships, particularly his desire for deeper, more meaningful connections. He expresses frustration with the superficiality of many of his relationships and yearns for a friendship that is steadfast and supportive, even in the darkest times.
### **Struggles with Identity and Aspirations**
In later entries, Apurbo reflects on his ambitions and uncertainties about the future. He discusses his dreams of pursuing further studies abroad but expresses concern about the financial and familial obstacles that might prevent him from achieving this. He often feels weighed down by his circumstances, but despite these setbacks, he remains determined to find a way to improve his situation.
He also frequently writes about his philosophical views on life, happiness, and the importance of self-improvement. He contemplates the meaning of success and happiness, noting that while some people think marriage will solve their problems, true happiness cannot be entirely dependent on it.
### **Challenges in Love and Family**
Apurbo’s relationships with his family are complicated, especially with his father. He also touches on his conflicts with his mother, especially when he feels misunderstood. In one entry, he expresses frustration about his mother’s inability to answer his questions, and the emotional toll it takes on him. Despite these tensions, he is deeply connected to his family and feels obligated to fulfill their expectations.
Apurbo's romantic relationships are similarly fraught with difficulty. His feelings for Mansura seem to be unreciprocated, leading to moments of self-doubt and questioning whether he will ever find someone who truly understands him. His budding relationship with Rafiza is marked by uncertainty, as he wonders whether she cares for him in the same way.
### **Later Entries and Final Reflections**
The diary continues through 2024, capturing more of Apurbo’s thoughts as he approaches the end of his schooling. He writes about his preparations for IELTS exams and his hopes of studying abroad. As the months pass, he becomes more focused on his future and less concerned with the emotional turmoil that dominated his earlier entries.
In his final entries, Apurbo reflects on the nature of life, love, and human relationships. He grapples with the complexities of happiness, acknowledging that while external achievements like marriage or financial success may provide some comfort, true contentment must come from within.
Conclusion
"Amara Kalpanaya Oi Ami" is a heartfelt, emotional journey through the mind of a young man trying to navigate love, friendship, and self-discovery. Tajul Islam Apurbo’s diary reveals his deep sensitivity, introspection, and yearning for meaningful connections. His philosophical reflections on life, love, and personal growth offer a glimpse into the thoughts of a young man searching for his place in the world.
